Friday, December 10, 2010


I remember a post long ago where I said that decisions are made by us but the universe conspires to make things happen in a certain grand design. Well, it turns out that God had plans about my future, which I obviously didn't know about when I wrote my last big post.

I went back to work and everything seemed to be working out just fine. I'd learned to manage the stresses of work and the stresses of home and find the balance somewhere in between. Then, on August 2, I was thrown another curve ball. And I had NO idea how to react.

Shockingly, I found out I was pregnant! Almost 5 weeks along, based on my best guess calculation. That day was a holiday from work and we had just returned from vacation. I was so shocked, I think I spent that entire day in denial. The next day I called Dr. Laskin's office and they had me come in that afternoon for a blood test to confirm. They called me back within a couple hours and confirmed. Yes, I was indeed pregnant. And due on Apr 7, 2011.

Still, I refused to believe it. Even if it was true, I thought it would end the same way the others had - at the 8-week marker and without warning. I wasn't holding my breath. Dr. Laskin's office called me in for an ultrasound at 7 weeks and then again at 8 weeks. Miraculously , both ultrasounds were perfectly normal and the baby was growing well, it seemed.

I started wondering whether maybe this one was going to last but I didn't breathe easy until the 12-week ultrasound on September 25 and I heard the heartbeat. A strong 163 bpm heartbeat. On November 10, we found out that it's a boy. Yes, another one. And told Camran who is over the moon happy.

I am coming up to 6 months on Dec 16 and I've felt the baby move several times. I'm seeing Dr. Laskin every 4 weeks and Dr. Shilletto every 4 weeks. I get an ultrasound every 4 weeks and I'm part of this prenatal study that Dr. Laskin is working on. I haven't had any flare-like symptoms and the initial first trimester fatigue has disappeared too.

Over the upcoming x-mas holidays, we will be moving Camran's furniture into the guest bedroom and converting Camran's old room into a nursery for the baby. We've started thinking about names but haven't really agreed on anything. I know I won't rest easy about this pregnancy until I have the baby in my arms. There are too many possible complications and too many possible risks that I refuse to contemplate and I refuse to plan for.

I'm still terrified about having two kids. No one I speak to is in the same boat with a chronic illness and a full-time job. But more on curveballs and decisions in another post... I'll let you guys digest this one first.

1 comment:

  1. sadaf, everytime i read or reread your blog, it makes me cry (which can get rather embarrassing as i usually read it at work).
    it's been amazing reading through your journey and now that you're only a few weeks away from your due date, i hope you're feeling OK. lots of love to you!