I think it's time to move on.
I have spent the last 2 years of my life dealing. Most of the posts on this blog have been about coping with what life has thrown my way. I was always such a planner but the past 2 years have been a real eye-opener. I have dealt with events and circumstances that I would never have dreamed possible to deal with. Through writing, praying, bearing and patience. But it was hard. Writing this blog has helped me tremendously. I was able to put down my thoughts, fears, hopes and aspirations for the vague uncertainty that had become my life. I thank my followers (official and unofficial) who have stayed with me through this trying journey. Make no mistake, it was difficult. But allowing myself to admit defeat and then finding ways of overcoming and clawing my way back was such an enlightening experience, I wouldn't take it back for anything.
Having said that, it's high time I started looking ahead instead of what I left behind. In no particular order, and to be observed as soon as possible, here are the things that I'm implementing effective immediately.
1. Focus on spirituality. I feel better when I pray. I have a sense of peace and calmness. Prayers - as many times a day as possible. Without excuse.
2. Give to charity. Regularly. A smile, an encouraging word, an ear to one who needs to talk. Those are all things that I intend on giving freely from now on. You don't need a research study to know that when you're in a bad mood, a smile or a good laugh makes you feel better. I'm also talking about money. I like giving money (and stuff) away. It's the same feeling of calm and peace I get when I pray. After I return to work I will be setting aside $40 a month for the poor and needy. Until then, I will be dispensing smiles without reserve. :)
3. Make time for my family. Between Lupus, pregnancy, child birth and a new baby, I am ashamed to admit that I haven't been the most attentive wife. The simple things my husband and I used to do... having long chats before bed, watching movies on Friday nights... those things just don't happen anymore. I've been so caught up in what I need to do for myself that I haven't thought about our connection. Now that I've finally got some semblance of control with lupus, it's time to reconnect with my (now 2) kids and husband for quality family times.
4. Be content with what I have. Particularly, but not limited to, material possessions. It's true that if you aren't content with what you have, you will never be happy with what you get. It will never be enough. This has always been true for me. I have always wanted the next level up, the next $300 income, the "ideal" child and husband. I need to start looking at the wonderful things around me and thanking God for them. I have to remind myself to look at all that I do have that other "better" people possibly don't. Two lovely kids (yes, they are really lovely), a fantastic relationship with my husband, a wonderful extended family, a good job with good money (had to force myself to write that one but it's true), and the intelligence and will power to counter the ill-effects of a chronic illness.
Going forward, my posts will be centered around these 4 themes and I will report back on how I'm doing with them. I will use this blog as a means to keep me in check.